i had two physical fathers

i had two fathers.  i never said good-bye to them when i went away from them each time.


Once i did sasung pranam and i knew this was the last time.  A few days ago before i left, He blessed me.   At that moment I knew he wanted  me to leave, He wanted me to go back home to work on His mission.  Time was up, even i was blessed i could be with Him as long as i wanted.

A few years ago, one night i stood by my father's bed.  i told him, "Ba!  time to go."  He said "Hao", kind of low voice from his throat.  He had two tubes in his mouth.  He could not talk.  But i saw the air,  the tune shaped the air around his month.  

It's about One o'clock am.  i stayed with him whole night alone.  i was with him in a small room which was in the basement of the hospital.  In hospital, they always put the dead body in the basement.  It's very very cold.  Cold would prevent the body decayed too fast.  i sang kiirtan.  i sang a special Dhranii again and agin.  i did not see him.  i believed he went back home.  Sometimes i left the room to be outside of the room because too cold in his room.  i went around to see how many bodies were put on there.  There were many small rooms in the basement.  You could hear sutra chanting recorded from a big hall.  i knew now was midnight.   There was no living being in the basement but the dead.

One time i sat before Vijakrananda.  A few days ago he passed away.  He lied down on the floor in front of me.  His head was there so closed i could reach out to touch his head.  We had a lot of discussion last time.  He still worried about Avinash.  He still liked to wield politics and strategies.  by doing things.  He told me many methods.  i did not like them.  We discussed for a long time until D.C. sitting was finished.